I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
