she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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