I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
