You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
