This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
