If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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