i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
