Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
