She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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