...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
