thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
