maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
