She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
