he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
