My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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