My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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