Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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