I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
did i walk over a car last night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
