you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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