I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
