I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How naked do you want me to be?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
