I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
