Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My ass is underappreciated
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
