you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
