i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
