okay pat passed out under dana's car
Say something about gay babies.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
