Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
