He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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