I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
