Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want nice things and good sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
