and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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