dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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