So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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