I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
