the day after is always just damage control
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just pee around me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize