Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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