a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
