Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
