apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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