new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
