Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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