I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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