You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
