I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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