Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
