your parents love me but you hate me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
