I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
