I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
