I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
