i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
