I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
