I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
