someone threw a dead crab at me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
