We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
