it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
