My friends, they love my intelligence
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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