i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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