The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
