Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
