Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
