I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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