just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
