I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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