yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
