You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
