He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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