I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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