I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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