Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
