are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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