The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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