i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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