were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
