And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize