Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
