she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
