Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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