someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
