My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
