I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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