There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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