Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
