I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
