I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
