ya dads aren't the best wingmen
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
